Mind-mind your manners

Mind-Mind Your Manners!

   I squinted at the sun as I looked through the car window. Looking up to the towers I wondered what exactly the guards could see from their perch. To me they looked like menacing statues dressed in brown and wearing sunglasses. It was like a scene from a movie and my stomach churned inside me. After signing in and a short interrogation we joined the other families waiting in line. This large room was painted white and had marble floors, it always felt cold. There were a few benches against the walls and right in the middle of the room sat an enormous half circle desk that seated three or four officers.

   I hated this place; I hated the drive down the long driveway even though it was lined with maple trees. I despised the towers and all the scary, ominous feelings that came with them. The razor wire that curled at the top of the tall chain link fences made me feel small and defenseless. It was as if at any moment I could be a victim of something horrible. It didn’t help that I also detested the person that we were there to see.

As we waited I would watch small children running and playing, their laughter echoed across the room. How could they be so happy? They had no idea where they were and I realized that this was just a way of life for them. They were visiting daddy or their mom’s new boyfriend; to them, this trip meant fun in the playroom and a few prizes from the vending machine.

After a short wait the great iron barred doors would loudly clang open which startled me every time. We would all file in as a group, once we were all in one section a loud buzzer sounded and the doors would bang shut, and panic would race through my gut, I felt trapped. When the iron doors in front of us would whir open, we would clustered into the next chamber and wait for the doors to shut behind us, swallowing us inside. It was cool and the cinder block walls were a faded yellow. Guards stood sentinel while inmates where mopping floors or doing other odd jobs.

 Once I entered the visiting room the smoke from at least fifty cigarettes choked me and burned my eyes. Men in blue jeans and baby blue shirts sat on hard plastic chairs waiting to see their families. The room had the feel of fear, hopelessness and anger. All I wanted to do was run but there was nowhere to go. Everywhere I sat men watched me, I could see them talking with their family members but I knew they watched me and I felt like a mouse in a room full of hungry cats.

   I was a young teenager and we would visit my mom’s newly imprisoned husband weekly. I felt he was the cause of all our troubles. When he entered our lives it seemed our family shattered into a million pieces and this started a period of abuse for me over the next three years. It was probably the most frightening and unsettling time of my life. If I think on it too long I can still sense the feelings of misery and hopelessness.

Psalm 138:7 & 8 says, “When I walk into the thick of trouble, keep me alive in the angry turmoil. With one hand strike my foes, with your other hand save me. Finish what you started in me, God. Your love is eternal- don’t quit on me now.” (MSG)

We have all had our share of wretchedness in this life. It only takes me a moment to find someone who has had it a lot worse than me. Sometimes it’s actual and sometimes it’s a matter of perception, but whatever the circumstances the memories can be oppressive and incapacitating.

When I was fifteen I found a scripture that helped me profoundly. I soon had it memorized and began putting it to practice.

Philippians 4:6-9 says, “Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious- the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice things you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.” (MSG)

   I have a million horrible memories and there were scores of times where, as a child, my very life was in danger because of someone else’s behavior. The hardest yet most rewarding challenge I have ever met was to change my thought life and get past the devastating consequences those memories had on me, both physically and mentally.

This is hard work; I have to make the effort to change my thought life every day, I have to remind myself of the life changing scriptures I have memorized and I choose to believe them. I will always have those memories and life will villainously add to them, but I am determined that they will have no power over me, they will not define me.

Galatians 5:1 says, “Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you.” (MSG)

  We can’t choose our beginnings; no child wants to be poor, neglected or abused. Sin and its influences are all around us raining down defeat and misery; it convinces us that there is no hope in life, only a pitiful existence and eventually death. But that is a lie; there is great hope and freedom tastes sweet; they come in the person of Jesus and all he has unselfishly done for me and you, no matter where our journey has taken us.

Thanks for the help Laughing Boy!

The Crash and Burn

   “I’ve got this, it’s a cinch. I don’t need a safety tether or a “dummy leash” as they call it in the gym.” With confidence I climbed aboard the treadmill and with the touch of a button I set the belt in motion. 

   As I walked, I tried to keep pace with my long legged brother who was on the treadmill next to mine.  We chatted about life and it felt good to get the heart pumping.  All it took was one little trip and that treadmill spit me off and left me in a crumpled heap on the floor. Of course the belt kept going since I had refused to use the tether and my leg got caught under the machine.

   I was so embarrassed! I was sure everyone had seen the large woman in the baggy black sweats get ejected, slick as a watermelon seed in a country fair, spitting contest.  As I pulled my wounded leg from underneath the belt I looked around and was surprised that not one person missed a beat in their routine. It was as if I were invisible. The only one who paid any attention was my brother who was laughing so hard he nearly followed my disastrous example. Humiliated and bruised I climbed back on the walking pad and connected the safety leash to my sweat shirt.

   Fear of failure keeps us from progress in our lives but there is a forever hope of victory.

Philippians 1:6 says, “I am sure about this: the one who started a good work in you will stay with you to complete the job by the day of Christ Jesus.” (CEB)

 I make bad decisions more often than I care to admit. I get in a hurry or feel like I know what is best, that is when I end up a twisted mess and feel like a failure. Getting back up on my feet and continuing the journey only makes me stronger.

Romans 8: 29- 34 says, “God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity he restored. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in him. After God made that decision of what his children should be like, he followed it up by calling people by name. After calling them by name, he set them on a solid basis with himself. And then, after getting them established, he stayed with them to the end, gloriously completing what he had begun. So what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God’s chosen? Who would dare even point a finger? The one who died for us- who was raised to life for us, is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us.” (MSG)

    Yes, I just failed in front of everyone. I’m sure I looked absolutely ridiculous, but I would bet my black sweat pants that every one of them has spent a little time on the floor and knows the pain of walking on the treadmill of life. Often times, even my everyday existence is painful but, unlike the gym members or laughing boy on the treadmill next to me, God has set me on a “solid basis with himself” and is there to help me up.

    Did you know that He is your help and is cheering you on to accomplishment? He is not surprised by our failures but stays with us, helping us to stand up and continue walking toward happy success. Don’t worry about what people are thinking, pick yourself up and get back on that treadmill. God is on your side, how could you possibly lose?

Have a Babylonian New Year?

New Year’s Resolution or My Plan to Fail

   This is my least favorite time of year. The weather is cold and dreary, the trees are all bare and gloomy, Christmas is over and the nearest holiday is Easter. Now I feel the need to make decisions about the New Year. I am overcome with frustration.  The feelings of dread and failure have already set in and I haven’t even decided what my new resolutions will be.

   Here’s a little resolution history; the New Year’s resolution dates back to pre-Christian times. It was actually begun by the Babylonians and took place in March. This was a time that everyone resolved to return borrowed objects and pay their bills, hmm, sounds easy enough to me. Then along came the Romans who moved it to January in honor of their god Janus. Janus looked forward to the new and backward to the old. The Puritans came along and took it to another level. They decided this was a time to contemplate the future and not look back. To commit to put their talents to better use, treat their neighbors with charity and avoid habitual sins. Still not too bad, that feels achievable.

   Somewhere in time things went a little screwy and the whole “use your talents, pay your bills, treat your neighbors with charity and avoid habitual sins,” thing entered  a self improvement competition.  Statistics show that thirty five percent of people make unrealistic goals, thirty three percent don’t keep track of them and twenty three forget the goals even exist; I fall in with the twenty three percent. My “no sugar, lose weight” decision is completely forgotten when I see the left over chocolate cake on New Year’s Day. Only eight percent of people successfully keep those goals year round. That means ninety two percent of people fail; sadly I am counted among the feeble masses. One article I read suggested that I “aim low” that way I would actually reach my goal and feel the thrill of accomplishment, does getting out of bed and eating three meals a day count?

   Listed in the history of my own failed attempts are these; be more kind to others, eat less sugar, cut out caffeine, (no caffeine and no sugar cancels out any chance of being more kind to others so beware), lose weight, write every day, be more organized, read the Bible all the way through (sometimes I feel accomplished if I read it once a week) and learn a new language (slang or fun accents do not count). This is my sorry little “ninety two percent” list.

   This year I decided to run things a little differently.

Galatians 6:9 says, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”

Job 22:28 says’ “what you decide on will be done, and light will shine on your ways.”

Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”

   I re-evaluate my list and place it before my only hope of being part of the eight percent, Jesus.

 You see, it's not a list but a life that is really at stake here. Every day I face failures and unmet goals. These so called blunders gnaw at my self worth and call me names like lazy, stupid or undisciplined. I end up comparing myself with those I believe to be successful champions and I give up altogether.

   I am so thankful for scriptures like Proverbs 16:9 (In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.) and Isaiah 28: 26 (His God instructs him and teaches him the right way.) 

   I rest confidently knowing it’s not all on my shoulders. His path is  best for me and when I choose it he provides the strength that I need to gradually build success in that area. There is a path of triumph and when I draw my strength and wisdom from him, I am victorious.

   What are your resolutions for the year? Are you willing to place them before the Lord and walk in his direction? His ways aren’t always the path we would naturally choose, but in them there are always strength, progress and fulfillment.  

Choosing the high road

Salt or Assault, a Retail Story

   “Hey-you, do you have a Kermit the frog?”

I could tell by the impatient tone in the man’s voice that he needed immediate attention. As I looked up from the cash register, I was surprised to see a short, middle aged man with gray hair that hung in messy curls around his round wire rimmed glasses. Nestled against his green army coat was a Perry the Platypus stuffed animal under his arm. I greeted him with the usual retail smile and told him I would check. 

   When I found the shelf empty, I returned to let my eager customer know. His reaction caught me completely off guard; he threw Perry at me and called me a few unpleasant names. I just stared at him, confused and angry. As my face grew hot and my ears turned bright red, I snapped.

   Speaking sharply through clenched teeth I read him the riot act, “Look here you little gray haired munchkin, besides needing a lesson in manners you need to get your values straight! It’s a stuffed animal and I refuse to put up with cretins like you for a measly nine bucks an hour!”

   As I screamed at him, tiny drops of spit landed on his “John Lennon want-to-be glasses, forming irritating beads. I reached across the counter, plucked those glasses from his face and broke them in half. Shoving the crumpled glasses in his hands I wished him a good day and left him standing with his mouth gaping wide open.

Okay, dream sequence over.

   In reality I picked Perry off the floor, dusting him off I handed him back to the man. I politely excused myself telling him I would search the back room and was happy to deliver Kermit into his hands.

Matthew 5:13-16 says, “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled on by men.

You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead, they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” (NIV)

   In this crazy, mean world there are many occurrences that can make me lose my appealing flavor. Rude people or bad circumstances can make me jump right off that light stand and run for the nearest bush to hide under. It feels natural for me to stand up for my rights and refuse to be treated badly, but Jesus calls me to a higher, more loving standard. He even goes as far as telling me to love my enemies and pray for those that persecute me.

    Hmmm, persecute?! Strong’s concordance says persecute means to systematically oppress or harass a person or group. This has negative reaction written all over it.

   I know it’s hard and seems unfair, Colossians 4:5 and 6 offers a bit of practical help to get us there.

“Use your heads as you live and work among outsiders. Don’t miss a trick. Make the most of every opportunity. Be gracious in your speech. The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down, and not cut them out.” (MSG)

   Choosing to be salt and light is hardly easy, but I must make the active choice to be different from the rest of the world. That’s why it is so noticeable, it is rare and refreshing. Love, patience and kindness stands out like a beacon. Choosing to climb that hill and shine for all to see brings glory to our Father and ultimately makes our life better.

 

 

You Are One Body, treat it right.

You Are One Body, Treat it Right

     “Oh great, they’re coming my way.” The feeling of dread overtakes me and my stomach is in knots. I look around for an easy escape, an unlocked door to duck into or a conversation with an unsuspecting passerby, anything that will get me out of the line of fire. Have you ever felt this way? I cringe to think of how many people I might have hurt on my quest to help them become “better people”. Sadly, my own children have been victims of my frustrations with imperfection and have suffered the sting of sarcasm.

   Why do we get impatient and hurt those we are called to love? A careless word, an unkind look or even the lack of acknowledgement can send someone on a downward spiral. I once had a lady accuse me of purposely enticing the men of the church; I was twelve years old and so embarrassed that it took me two years to step into any church again. I couldn’t help it that I was an early developer, I didn’t ask for this body. Little did she realize that since the time I was four years old sexual abuse was just a part of  "normal" life and my only hope of a safe haven was ripped away with her words.

Ephesians 4: 2, 3, 15, 16 says, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. (vs. 2, 3)  Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.”(vs. 15, 16)

   It's like  when I needed shoulder surgery. I had a nasty bone spur that cut a tendon in two. This tendon was attached to a muscle that helped move my arm and once it was detached my arm lost mobility and strength. It took six weeks of not using that arm and another six weeks of careful physical therapy before I was able to use it properly. I didn’t realize how valuable it was until I no longer had its help. It was frustrating but I had to be patient. I had to wait for healing and keep strengthening that arm until it was strong enough to perform the task it was meant to do.

   Do you see where I am going here? When it comes to the body of Christ it is easy to become annoyed with others when they don’t measure up to our expectations. Impatient words, sarcasm or even an exasperated rolling of the eyes can stifle growth or reopen an injury. “Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” If I can remember this, it just might help me to be more patient even if it feels like I am “bearing” (“to put up with, to endure.”) with that person for love’s sake. Composing myself and being gentle might not always be easy but it’s sure the way I would want people to deal with me. “From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.” This is who we are, supporting ligaments, and parts of a body that shield a hurt, strengthen a weakness and work for the benefit of the whole body not just for a single limb. With all the negative in this world, hurts should not come from our own body members. 

I wonder what change for the better my life would have taken if I had felt a part of a loving family? Time, patience, gentleness and love are never wasted. Eventually these produce healthy members that work together in the bond of peace.

No thanks, I'll pass

No Thanks, I’ll Pass

   Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to choose the hardships that come our way?  Wouldn’t we love to have an OPT-OUT button to push when difficulties cross our paths? A few things I would opt out of are the pinky toe- it is just in the way, serves no purpose and wreaks havoc on my socks. How about junk mail, how did they get my address in the first place? Don’t even get me started on armpit hair (what the heck?) and menopause would be a big “no thanks.” Sick children, bill collectors, argumentative spouses, long grocery lines and bumper to bumper traffic would all be rectified by that wonderful little button.

   We have all faced unpleasant circumstances, very often life can deal us a dirty hand and when the dust settles we are left standing there, beaten down and confused. I know, sometimes my troubles are a result of emotional decisions or simply not taking the time to think things through, but there are those times when crummy things happen and amazingly I didn’t have anything to do with it. This would be the perfect time to push that amazing button and let the troubles roll by as I smile and wave. Sadly this is not how life is.

Nahum1:7 says, “The Lord is good, a refuge in time of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him.”

Psalms 126:5, 6 says, “Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him.”

   I love the example of the one sowing in tears or the one that goes out with seed to plant even though they are weeping. We often weather hard times and still have to continue on with life. Children still need fed, homes still need to be cleaned, and laundry doesn’t wash itself so we continue on in spite of the storm.

   The struggle is real but I am learning to trust God as my strength and help. Even if I’m weeping as I continue on, there is the hope of joy and peace that comes with knowing God is good, he has the solution and he cares for me.

    Instead of the imaginary opt out button; we have a perfect loving father that is able and willing to be our help and refuge. When we put our trust in him we are somehow able to survive those difficult situations and come out on the other side singing, or at least wiping our brow, glad to be alive.

Welcome to my world, look at it mocking me.

Let me bend your ear

Talk, talk, talk

   “Hmmm, can I tell her now? Wait; is this a good time to tell her? Man, this is torture!” these were my thoughts as I stood in the bank line for twenty minutes, just waiting for an opportunity to tell a story to my poor unsuspecting teller. She was working hard on an important job for me, interrupting her just to tell a story could result in a financial failure that I didn’t want to explain to my husband. So, I kept my mouth shut. It was an excruciating twenty minutes. I even checked out the guy in line next to me to see if he would be a willing listener, he was clearly not interested in anything I had to say. I left the bank with a job well done but I felt a bit deflated, I had some really great stories and she totally missed out.

   Have you ever heard the nineteen-sixties song by Frankie Ford, You Talk Too Much? It starts with a verse that says “You talk too much you worry me to death, you talk too much you even worry my pets, you just taaalllkk, talk too much.” It’s in your head now isn’t it? This song pretty much describes my personality.

   Being an extrovert and loving the art of a one sided conversation, I view people as potential listeners where ever I go. Don’t worry, if you can’t think of anything to say, I will rescue you. Really all you have to do is sit back and listen to my stories. If you’ve already heard it, no problem, it promises to get better each time I tell it. No person is safe, no place is off limits; grocery lines, sample tables, laundromats, even bathroom stalls are not taboo.

    My only frustrations comes when I try to have a one sided conversation with another extrovert, “excuse me, I was still talking and you rudely interrupted.”  Also those people that clearly lack listening skills and are easily distracted by things like, their kids, other people, house fires, bank robberies and other unimportant happenings.

1 Corinthians 13:1 says, “If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God’s word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything as plain as day, and if I have faith to say to a mountain, “jump,” and it jumps, but don’t love, I’m nothing.”

   In my quest to put others first I am slowly making progress. Allowing people to interrupt me and then wait for them to invite me to finish what I was saying has been a very hard mountain to conquer.  Walking away without reciting at least two gripping stories leaves me unsatisfied, but I need to keep in mind that others may have something to say and maybe they aren’t as out spoken as I am.

   It’s amazing what I learn when I do one simple thing, listen. I’m not saying that being an extravert is bad; knowing great stories and having the ability to deliver them successfully is a gift. If I don’t take the time to listen to others then I miss out on how truly unique that person is. How can I possibly know if a person is hurting, lonely, in need of a friend or even what their favorite color is if I continue to be the “creaking of a rusty gate?” It’s a matter of preferring others and it isn’t always easy.

   So, as I learn to put others first and muzzle my mouth a bit don’t worry, nothing is wrong, I am just choosing to hear about you for once.

AND because I just couldn't resist.